I Can Cook! (?)

Apparently, sometimes, I know my stuff when it comes to cooking!

Check out my recipe in action over on one of my favorite blogs, Duoly Noted.

Melissa made my dish as part of her once-a-week attempts at cooking for her husband and it looks like she did an amazing job. This is my go-to dish for all the men in my life, be it my boyfriend, my father, etc.

Sadly I haven't had it in forever because it's not South Beach friendly. =(

Catching Up: Just Friends? Part 1

To start off my new Catching Up Feature, in which I write about times in my life that were slightly more eventful than the present, I thought I'd take on a doozy: Can men and women ever just be friends, as exhibited by my friendship with Big Relationship, my ex and current best friend after 4 years of dating, and the saga of one of the most frustrating and deceptive men I've ever known, Summer Romance.

I'm going to have to agree with Harry on this one. Men and women cannot just be friends. I have two very good examples to back this up. Case point #1 involves the situation of two people who dated at first, and then tried to become friends afterward. Or, aka, Big Relationship and myself. Now, I will tell people that Big Relationship and I are best friends, and we are, in the sense that we've known each other longer than most of our other friends have known us and for five years of our lives we were as close as any two people can ever be. If you've had that, how can you do anything but remain great friends?

So we have, or at least that's what I like to tell myself. But truth be told, our relationship lacks a lot of the makings of a strong male-female friendship, if such a thing even exists. There's an unspoken rule for no flirtation, which everyone knows is a cornerstone to opposite sex interactions. [Or maybe that's just how I manage mine...hmm...] To a degree, I mean. And we just aren't as tender or emotive as we once were, from this sort of invisible wall that I guess we've, well in my opinion he's, put up since the breakup. It's really just a strange dynamic; two people who know and understand each other better than most people ever will, who have an invisible barrier between them.

I bring this all up because I'm seeing Big Relationship this Friday when he comes to see the show I've directed, and also because this summer I saw Summer Romance for the first time in eight months. It wasn't be the first time we've seen each other since we broke up in Summer 2008, but it was the first time we've really gotten to talk about everything that happened between us since. The Summer Romance Saga is a long and complicated one, but I will try to do my best to recap it in a clear, unbiased and most importantly uncomplicated manner, if that's possible:

Summer Romance and I worked together Summer 2008, and always engaged in minor flirtation, but I had heard that he was involved with someone else we both worked with, who we'll call Other Woman, and knew that it would be unwise to get in the middle. Plus, when I met Summer Romance, what is now my infamous Declare My Feelings For L. and Get Shot Down Weekend was coming up, and my mind was totally preoccupied by that. So Summer Romance and I continued our flirtation. I asked him about Other Woman, and he told me they had been hooking up in the spring but that he was single.

So anyways, as we all know I confessed my love for L., he broke my heart, blah blah. (Which, in case you're wondering, I never let him live down.) So when I returned home I was feeling a bit down, clearly. So when Summer Romance asked for my number I thought, well, why not, maybe I'll have a...yup...summer romance, at the least. We had a great connection instantly, even though he was 24, which at first I thought would be a problem. He had also just recently gotten a job as a math teacher at Big Relationship's former high school, which I also thought could be quite awkward, but no, none of these apparent dealbreakers ended up being a problem. The only problem turned out to be Other Woman.

See, Summer Romance may have thought he was single, but Other Woman certainly did not think so. And I, naive hostess who was not privy to the convoluted world of work relationships, did not know any of this. So Summer Romance and I had a few dates and they were going great, and I was (kind of) starting to feel less brokenhearted about L., although truth be told he was never far from my mind. And then the problems started. And continued. I'd overhear Other Woman talking at work about Summer Romance in a very possessive, girlfriend-y sort of way, yet whenever I'd try to bring it up nonchalantly to Summer Romance he'd completely deny all my allegations and make me feel overly jealous, etc, for wondering. So we'd go back to having another great week or so, and then I'd overhear some more Other Woman convos. Or, even worse things. I'd wake up at Summer Romance's apartment after having spent the night, have breakfast, kiss him goodbye, and happily prance (okay, drive) home only to see that Other Woman's fb status would read "Going to lunch with [Summer Romance] and his parents!"

Um, wtf?

I'd then get frustrated and try to end things with Summer Romance, he would fight with me until I didn't, I'd somehow believe him that there wasn't anything going on between them. I'd even explain away the inexplicable things, like the fact that there was mascara smudge on his pillows in the morning even when I'd washed my face the night before. Truth be told, I'm infuriated that I let it go on as long as it did. I'm a little notorious for being picky about the guys I date and ending things not so far in.

So when the hazy days of summer began to draw to a close and my returning to college three hours away from home began to loom menacingly, I begrudginly had "the talk" with Summer Romance about "where this was going." (Ugh.) I put it out there as "we had a fun run, summer fling, keep in touch, go our own ways, etc" and so imagine my shock when he said he wanted to "do the real thing," and have a legit, monogamous (or so I presumed) long-distance relationship. I hesitantly agreed, only to un-agree a few days later after my Other Woman instincts got the best of me. This didn't work, as Summer Romance has a great way of making me doubt my instincts and trust him completely, which is something that NEVER happens with me, and so after a teary, tender and, what I thought to be honest, conversation we decided to really go for it.

Stay tuned for Part Two!

My Growing Clothing Collection

Well, another short-lived burst of packing momentum has ended, so here I am in need of a distraction. This is better than the last burst, which began at approximately 8 o' clock pm and ended at approximately 8:07 pm, at which point I decided to curl up on the couch and watch about seven episodes of How I Met Your Mother.

This second burst lasted for a good half-hour or so; a solid attempt, if I do say so myself. But I noticed something funny when I was packing. Somehow, I've managed to obtain about half of L.'s wardrobe.

It started like this. I went to pack up my Workout Clothes and PJs drawer, and found L.'s white t-shirt that he sent me because it smells like him and I like to sleep in it. I also have L.'s Orange J. Crew Graphic Tee, which is the softest and most wonderfully faded salmon-y orange shirt I have ever had the pleasure of stealing.

Next, I removed L.'s J. Crew Sherpa Fleece Hoodie in Faded Green, to which I alluded in an earlier post, from the back of my chair, and found hanging underneath it L.'s red tie. It's actually not my fault; C. wore the tie to a Corporate Hos and CEOs party that Couple Friend Guy and his friends threw, but now I have been given the task of caretaking and ensuring it reaches its home in L.'s tie collection. By the way, I've only ever actually seen him wear approximately 1/8 of the selection. I guess it's better than a guy with a penchant for silly ties.

Time to unpack the Warm Things drawer! And what do I discover here, but L.'s Navy Blue Fleece Private School Sweatpants with Said Private School's Monogram Emblazoned on Them. These I stole deliberately, as they are big, comfy and cozy for chilly winter study sessions. Plus, there's a sort of Victorian thrill of walking around wearing something clearly associated with your boyfriend. It goes back to the pin-giving days of the 50s. There was probably a custom in prehistoric times when a woman would wear the skins of her boyfriend's newly slain mammoth. Who am I to judge? Also in this drawer I discovered L.'s Green Golf Polo, which also carries with it a certain thrill of wearing conspicuously male clothing.

Unpacking my underwear drawer, I came across one of L.'s Lonely Socks. It, like me, has been without its mate all summer. How meta. I also have a pair of L.'s Comfy Boxers in here, which I love to sleep in.

Not a bad collection. Unfortunately it's taking up some much-needed space in my suitcase. Time to go sort it all out...

Proof Of My Last Post

So, if I were to do as I said in my last post and begin a blog entitled "My Boyfriend is Sweeter Than the Sucralose in the Sugar-Free Candy I Have to Eat Because of The South Beach Diet," this would be a prime first post:

This afternoon L. took two little girls aged 5 and 8 (I think, L. you can correct me on this) out minigolfing (my FAVORITE activity!) in sunny California, where it's not monsooning, and if that weren't sugar-coma-inducing enough, he sent me a picture of the three of them saying they wished I could be there.

I'm tempted to post the picture but I haven't decided if I'm going to be putting pictures in my blog yet. What do you guys think?

Things I Wish I Thought of First

So, you should all know that when it comes to sense of humor, I am a guy. Plain and simple. I have absolutely no political-correctness screen to my sense of humor. I'm nearly impossible to offend. Which is why I find it amusing that there's such a media backlash right now against Tiffanie Wong and her blog. Tiffanie's blog is titled, "My Husband is Annoying," and, well, it's perfection. Absolutely hilarious. And her husband has publicly said in interviews that he sees the humor in the blog and doesn't mind it at all. Yet so many people are condemning poor Tiffanie for having only the most bitingly clever sense of humor. I've been actually "lol"ing while reading it.

Why didn't I think of this? This is great. Of course, I could never write a blog like this. My blog would have to be entitled, "My Boyfriend is Too Nice." Or, "My Boyfriend Never Lets Me Pay for Dinner." That could be interesting, in and of itself. Hmm...

Loneliness Rut

I'm just going to come right out and say it. I'm lonely. And no, this isn't another post about how I can't stand being away from L., and all that, although that is the main reason, most likely. I just feel like I'm stuck in this rut where I'm only fulfilling one part of my life, soul, whatever you want to call it. The way I see it, we all have "x" distinct parts that we're made up of, and that need nurturing to keep us healthy and happy. For instance, my parts would be interpersonal, intellectual, physical, productive, and internal. So, to satisfy my interpersonal romantic needs, I would see L. more than once every three months, be in tune with my emotions, give and receive homemade gifts, etc. Or I would get to see my parents more often, or spend quality time with my friends. Intellectual is always well enough taken care of by being in school, but for those times when my classes just aren't doing it for me I love to check classics off my reading bucket list. Physical is anything from eating healthily, drinking plenty of water, and feeling good about that, to going to the gym, or even just getting a pedicure and making sure my hands stay lotion-ed and soft. When little things like that feel good, the rest of me does too. My productive needs would range anywhere from making a to-do list and successfully completing everything on it to having a job, earning money and feeling like I'm valued somewhere, doing something. And internal...well isn't that the ambiguous one. That's just really anything else I know I need to be happy, that I can't get from any of the aforementioned areas. For instance, reading blogs that I love, having my tea every morning, writing, both here and elsewhere, looking at pictures of puppies, cleaning and organizing my dorm room...just anything I know makes me feel great.
And this summer, I just do not feel like I am satisfying all those needs. I'm certainly not seeing enough of L. I miss my parents. I mean, during the academic year when I'm living away from home I don't see them, either, so it's not like this should seem much different. But this is really the first time, at least it feels, that I've gone off and lived on my own. Granted, I am staying in a dorm on my college campus, so it's not like it's this exotic and strange spot that I don't actually inhabit nine other months of the year. But I paid for this rip-off room myself (no laundry or kitchen...yup), my roommate has since left and I'm just, well, alone. Some of my best friends were on campus this summer and I felt like I hardly saw them, or hardly got a glimpse of what was going on in their lives. I just feel disconnected from everything.

The gym is only open in this awkward window for approximately an hour before and after I go to/get out of work, and I'm just going to make it clear now: I am not a morning exercise person. Rushing home after work, changing out of my business clothes and into my running shorts all for a 45 minute workout is just not working out this summer. That's hardly enough time for all my cardio! I am drinking enough water, which is nice. I've actually counted, and I've been going to the bathroom at work an average of about 8-10 times per day. This is because I actually have to go, not because I'm wandering around wasting time. So, yeah, water's taken care of.

The only areas I really feel like I'm fulfilling in any significant way this summer are my need to be productive, and my need for intellectual stimulation. I'm working 40 hours a week at one job and about 10 hours per week at a night job, so definitely keeping busy and seeing money come in, which is nice. My job at the art museum is really interesting. I'm actually getting to do what I love, which is edit, and I'm learning a ton of art history. But other than that, I'm feeling less than par on my brain teasing activities.

Part of the problem with all this is that sometimes, when situations like this present themselves, I just accept the funk-mode and don't really try to take any active steps to change it. Someone like C., for example, is always in a routine. She'll go to the gym, go to the coffeeshop and do work, find tickets to a show, make dinner plans, etc. If I'm feeling funk-ish I'll do, for example, what the plan for tonight is: take the money I would have spent on dinner and use it to buy the last four episodes of Season One of How I Met Your Mother on iTunes, and then curl up in my bed with some sugar-free pudding and do that until I fall asleep. Strangely enough, during the school year a night like that would be a dream come true! Having the time to watch tv shows aimlessly and eat guilt-free junk food is a desire I cannot often satiate. But a whole life of that? Um, no. Lethargic and boring and lonely. Which is how I'm feeling now.

I can't wait until this summer is over! Last day of work tomorrow, packing up and heading home for a week, and then L. arrives next Monday! Counting the days.

Is anyone else out there kind of in a rut this summer?

[Images from Flickr, Warwick,]

Going the Distance

I just got off yet another hour-long Skype session with L., and I've been thinking about this past summer, and how our together-every-second-of-the-day relationship has all of a sudden gone to seeing-each-other-once-in-three-months relationship, and, well, it really sucks. We've been apart for almost a third of the entire time we've been official. I'm just not cut out for this long-distance business. Big Relationship and I dated for three years in high school, and then he, being a year older, went off to college and I spent my senior year of high school wishing it away and driving down to Boston, where he went to school, to see him every weekend or two. Then, when it was finally time for me to go to college, and the distance between us, i.e., Williams and Boston, grew to three hours, we hardly made it two months before he called it quits. But he isn't wholly to blame; I had my difficulties with the distance. I think the biggest problem with that situation was that there was no end in sight; he was going to be in school for three more years, I'd just started college, and that was the way it was going to be, whether we liked it or not.

So there's really one of two situations to be in, concerning distance. You can be in a relationship with someone who goes to your college and see them almost every day for nine months of the year, and then be apart all summer and all major holidays (the best times!), or date someone from home and be with them all holidays, all summer, and sporadically throughout the year. Well, that's what I attempted to do with Summer Romance the beginning of my Sophomore year, and, let's just say it was an absolute disaster. Of course, his valuing monogamy a little more would have helped too, but I digress.Clearly I've chosen the first route, the seemingly more appealing together for most of the year, inseperably, only to be ripped apart for three long, hot, lonely months. I did see L. once this summer, for about five days, which were wonderful. But otherwise, this summer has been pretty miserable. I've been staying busy at my job, which I've mentioned before but to refresh it's working in the Publications department of an art museum, and it's stimulating and keeps me busy, but it's not quite enough to keep my soul alive with the glory of life. So then part of me feels like a victorian anti-feminist for needing my boyfriend, and feeling unfulfilled and just slightly below the level of being really, truly happy without him, but honestly, that's just how it is. So much of my experience here at Williams is inextricably linked to him, just as so many of my plans for my up and coming future are.

But, in one and a half short weeks, all that will end and finally, my long-distance relationship will once again be in arm's reach. It definitely hasn't been a fun run. We certainly haven't had deep-rooted problems, but how much is there to talk about on the phone every day for three months? And I've gotten frustrated, and I've gotten bored, and I've gotten despondent, and I've gotten restless, but I've also had some of the most affirming moments in our relationship this long-distance summer, and known more surely than ever that I'm madly in love with him. And he, of course, has been unchanging, calm, even-tempered, and constant, which are some of the things I love most about him.
Oh, and another perk to long-distance relationships? Today in the mail I got a surprise package containing two seasons of my two favorite tv shows, so I would "be able to stay busy until we see each other," as L. put it. And watching Lily and Marshall on How I Met Your Mother makes me feel more at ease, too, since I think Lucas and I are headed in the same place they ended up on the show. So, in honor of Lily and Marshall, I can't wait to see L soon. It's going to be legen--wait for it--dary!

[Update: L. is actually spending Thanksgiving with my family on the East Coast this year! There's one major holiday we can cross off the "Time We Have To Spend Apart" black list!]

[Images from Le Love, Flickr]