gainful employment. finally.

Today is a good day. Today, I am not waking up feeling anxious, with a stomachache, and unwilling/unmotivated to work out or do anything productive that requires energy. That is because today is the first day I've woken up knowing that I have a job!

A few days ago I learned that though I was in the top two for the teaching position I had really wanted, the school had offered it to the other girl. It was a blow, and I really started to feel down in the dumps. I felt a little spoiled-- here I am, in this beautiful apartment in this fantastic city with my wonderful boyfriend, feeling sorry for myself. But I just didn't pack up my life and move across the country, and leave my family, to lay by a pool and run errands and shop all day. I needed to feel like I was doing something meaningful.

Then yesterday, I finally got the call-- the other job for which I had interviewed offered me a position! I start on July 25, which gives me some time to finally relax and get in better shape before I start. I was feeling guilty that L. was at work all day and I was home, so I was running around all over the place, cleaning and grocery shopping and cooking these three-hour meals and doing laundry and getting the car washed, to feel like I was contributing. But now that I only have two weeks left in my last summer vacation ever, I'm going to lay by the pool a little more!

I can't tell you where I'm working (and in this industry, it takes NOTHING to get fired, so I'd rather keep work-related posts, if I write them at all, completely vague). BUT. I will give you one hint, in addition to a hint I gave a couple months ago:

graduation

So, in part one of this post, I mentioned that I don't do well with change, and I usually dread it before it happens but then move on from it very quickly afterward. The days leading up to graduation were sort of a daze, but I was pretty positive on the day itself I would be an absolute mess.

We lined up and began marching in bright and early, and luckily we were graced with a beautiful (but hot in those gowns!) day.


Most of Williamstown turned out to wish us well along our route.


My best friend (and high school boyfriend of four years) came to see me graduate!


Here's a great one of me and the in-laws ;)



And L. and my family

After all the photo-taking (I ripped my gown off as soon as my high school graduation was over, and so I had to indulge my mom this time around), it was time to pack up and get out. Williams is great, but we all joked about the fact that they put on this amazing senior week and graduation ceremony for us, and then four hours after it's over they kick you out (we were required to be out by 5pm that day). The next couple hours were a whirlwind of packing, and so for the couple moments I felt like a breakdown was coming on I immediately had to focus on something else, and kept pushing it down, and pushing it down. I forced myself not to cry when I said goodbye to my best friend C., who is studying in England for a year.

The one moment that day that got me was when the guys in my suite and I took the following picture. We recreated a cartoon that Andrew had drawn earlier in the year for our newspaper. (The scene is probably some amalgamation of us watching a football game and/or playing video games).



You can't really tell in the real-life picture, thankfully, but I completely lost it at this point. It only lasted about 5 minutes (because I had more packing to do), and then, strangely, I didn't cry for the rest of the day (or at all since). I drove home in my car alone and my dad, mom and brother followed behind, thinking the time to myself would help, but I just felt sad in a quiet way I've rarely experienced. It's definitely been the first time in my life that I haven't over-dreaded the upcoming change and then adapted within a couple days. Maybe it's because I don't have a job yet, and am sort of feeling a little aimless and unsure of what to do with myself. L.'s working now, so I spend the day grocery shopping, working out, cleaning, and exploring the city--which should be a great life! But I think until I start doing something that keeps me as busy and as engaged as Williams did, I'm still going to feel this strange disquietude.

On the upside, I do have a lot of fun posts written about our first couple weeks in LA, and I can't wait to share them with you guys!

senior week and graduation

It's taken me awhile to post these pictures and write this post, partly because I've been so focused on my move, but also partly because I was afraid posting them would make me very, very sad. I do NOT do well with change--well, sort of. I dread it more than most normal people and work myself up into a mess, but then two or three days later I am usually 100% adjusted, while most people might not get so upset in the first place, but then need more time to move on. Interestingly, that didn't quite happen with graduating--which makes me fear that I just haven't dealt with it correctly and it's going to rear its ugly head at an inopportune time (which it basically already did, in the middle of Arizona, when I started sobbing in the car and told L. I wanted to go back home to Boston and that I felt horrible leaving my parents and moving 3,000 miles away). But still, that was home-specific, not Williams-specific.

I didn't feel teary or apprehensive at all during Senior Week-- it was just tons of fun with my favorite people in the world:


There was the Mt. Hope dinner dance and tent party.


Mt. Hope is a giant mansion the College owns, and every Senior Week a dinner dance and a champagne brunch the following morning are hosted there.

Of course, even though we were on the lawn of an enormous mansion, we had to go pee in port-a-potties hidden in the bushes. Typical.


Later in the week, we had another tent mingling event...


where joyful selfies were necessary.


Friday night, L., the guys in our suite, and I hosted a cookout on our balcony for all of our families. It was the first time my parents and L.'s parents had met!


Bestie Paloma.



One of the cutest pictures ever. My mom is not a huge fan of "pictures on the internet" so we'll see if this one stays!


After the cookout was our last party all together (aptly named Last Chance).

The night before graduation, my dad and my brother took us all out for drinks at the pub and the Red Herring, our two college bars. It was so great to see all my friends bond with my family.

There are so many graduation pictures to sort though that I think those are going to go on a separate post of their own, to follow this one. So, for now, to be continued...

what will i do with my life? (besides, you know, blog...)

Friday marked one week of us living in LA (it still feels weird to type/say that!) and tomorrow is L.'s first day of work. Since this little bird is still going on interviews and waiting to hear back from a few places, I officially feel like I have no idea what I will do with myself once he's at work all day. I mean, aside from vacuuming the apartment and doing the dishes and the laundry and returning broken things to West Elm and returning jeans to Old Navy and getting a haircut (god do I need one) and cleaning/dusting and getting the car a smog check and registering my license in California and grocery shopping and cooking dinner. Yes, there are all those things to do. But I wonder when my honeymoon with LA is going to wind down and the reality that I moved across the country, am currently unemployed, and have lots of money going out but absolutely zero coming in (for the first time since I was 14, when I got my first job) is going to set in. Am I completely pumped about my new life? Absolutely. Making homemade turkey burgers (recipe soon!), getting Pinkberry at night, basking in sunshine all day and having a pool 30 feet away...it's wonderful. But I'm not sure it will be enough to keep me from getting anxious if I don't start making money or find something meaningful with which to occupy my time soon. At least you guys can expect lots of blog posts from me! Starting with graduation, next.

LA is exhausting!

Hooray! We just got wireless TODAY, so after being on the road for a week and in the apartment since Friday, I finally have both the time and the wireless connection to write a post! Just a short one for now, but I have tons of pictures to upload and organize from our trip and our first few days in LA. So far we've been to West Elm (three times), Ikea, Bed Bath and Beyond (three times), Z Gallerie, the bank, the power company, the Social Security office, the pharmacy, the grocery store, Living Spaces Furniture, and countless other places. We've gotten a ton of furniture, and I can't wait to share pictures! We've also gotten to try out some local restaurants and I finally cooked my first meal tonight (after not having any food in the refrigerator for four days). We've also had delivery people come to the house literally every.single.day since we've been here.

More soon! I'm alive!

ps- It's been so much easier to catch up with all your blogs on my laptop rather than L.'s iPhone!

graduation week by the numbers

June 1-June 5: Senior week at Williams.

3: The number of English Department awards I've won, giving me a permanent glow all week.

4: The number of parties we have as part of our Senior Week festivities.

6: The number of dresses I've needed for Senior Week events.

20: The number of family members coming to L.'s and my balcony cookout tonight. (Lots of burgers, lots of hot dogs!)

June 5: Graduation Day!

June 13: L. and I set off, with a very tightly-packed Subaru, on our moving adventure, ending up at our new apartment in Los Angeles!

I know I've been really absent these past few weeks, and I am so sorry. I promise lots of Hilton Head pictures, Senior Week Pictures, and of course graduation pictures next week while L. and I are at my house, packing up and getting ready to embark on our big journey cross country!

in my mind i'm going to carolina...

We are back from Hilton Head. But I don't want to be. See, in HH, it was also high 80s and incredibly humid most of the time, just like Western Massachusetts, but it was okay because we had an amazing breeze from the ocean, and pools to jump into, and ice cream to cool us off. Oh, and these. Lots and lots of these.

And it looked like this. All day, everyday.


I guess it is sort of nice to be back, though. 20 hour car drives, especially when there are tickets and accidents involved, are.not.fun. (More on that later). And now it's Senior Week at Williams. Last night we drove to Northampton for dinner at the director of the Honors program's house, which was lovely. Today I had lunch with my history prof. Tonight we all take buses to the mansion the College owns, Mt. Hope, for cocktails, dinner, and dancing with our favorite profs. Tomorrow is a champagne brunch, Friday is our final party. There's lots and lots to look forward to.

But a part of me definitely still wishes I were sitting at the beach with one of these. I'm going to try to make my own, now, before we leave for Mt. Hope. It probably won't go well.