Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Going the Distance

I just got off yet another hour-long Skype session with L., and I've been thinking about this past summer, and how our together-every-second-of-the-day relationship has all of a sudden gone to seeing-each-other-once-in-three-months relationship, and, well, it really sucks. We've been apart for almost a third of the entire time we've been official. I'm just not cut out for this long-distance business. Big Relationship and I dated for three years in high school, and then he, being a year older, went off to college and I spent my senior year of high school wishing it away and driving down to Boston, where he went to school, to see him every weekend or two. Then, when it was finally time for me to go to college, and the distance between us, i.e., Williams and Boston, grew to three hours, we hardly made it two months before he called it quits. But he isn't wholly to blame; I had my difficulties with the distance. I think the biggest problem with that situation was that there was no end in sight; he was going to be in school for three more years, I'd just started college, and that was the way it was going to be, whether we liked it or not.

So there's really one of two situations to be in, concerning distance. You can be in a relationship with someone who goes to your college and see them almost every day for nine months of the year, and then be apart all summer and all major holidays (the best times!), or date someone from home and be with them all holidays, all summer, and sporadically throughout the year. Well, that's what I attempted to do with Summer Romance the beginning of my Sophomore year, and, let's just say it was an absolute disaster. Of course, his valuing monogamy a little more would have helped too, but I digress.Clearly I've chosen the first route, the seemingly more appealing together for most of the year, inseperably, only to be ripped apart for three long, hot, lonely months. I did see L. once this summer, for about five days, which were wonderful. But otherwise, this summer has been pretty miserable. I've been staying busy at my job, which I've mentioned before but to refresh it's working in the Publications department of an art museum, and it's stimulating and keeps me busy, but it's not quite enough to keep my soul alive with the glory of life. So then part of me feels like a victorian anti-feminist for needing my boyfriend, and feeling unfulfilled and just slightly below the level of being really, truly happy without him, but honestly, that's just how it is. So much of my experience here at Williams is inextricably linked to him, just as so many of my plans for my up and coming future are.

But, in one and a half short weeks, all that will end and finally, my long-distance relationship will once again be in arm's reach. It definitely hasn't been a fun run. We certainly haven't had deep-rooted problems, but how much is there to talk about on the phone every day for three months? And I've gotten frustrated, and I've gotten bored, and I've gotten despondent, and I've gotten restless, but I've also had some of the most affirming moments in our relationship this long-distance summer, and known more surely than ever that I'm madly in love with him. And he, of course, has been unchanging, calm, even-tempered, and constant, which are some of the things I love most about him.
Oh, and another perk to long-distance relationships? Today in the mail I got a surprise package containing two seasons of my two favorite tv shows, so I would "be able to stay busy until we see each other," as L. put it. And watching Lily and Marshall on How I Met Your Mother makes me feel more at ease, too, since I think Lucas and I are headed in the same place they ended up on the show. So, in honor of Lily and Marshall, I can't wait to see L soon. It's going to be legen--wait for it--dary!

[Update: L. is actually spending Thanksgiving with my family on the East Coast this year! There's one major holiday we can cross off the "Time We Have To Spend Apart" black list!]

[Images from Le Love, Flickr]


  1. My (now) husband and I did a 3 months apart (when we were first dating) and it was AWFUL. Sometimes I think its more time consuming being in a long distance relationship because it requires so many more phone calls and emails, rather then just the simple moments. If its any consolation, I think long distance relationships are a really good way to test the strength of your love for each other. Plus, it was my LAST SUMMER BEING SINGLE and living by myself...I mean don't get me wrong, I love being married, but there are days that I am like "I forgot what it is like to sleep in without your alarm going off." So enjoy the alone time while you can!

  2. Haha thanks Melissa! I agree, I should use the time to do "me" things and have a great time living by myself...but I've read enough of your blog to know that it's also amazing to have your soulmate by your side all the time!