Dear Amanda Bynes and Whoever Designed the Cover of This Month's Cosmo:
What happened? Did all the other steps of layout take so long that you had to throw the cover together 5 minutes before deadline? Did you really think that bright pink, bright yellow, and SUPER FAKE bright-blonde hair went well together?
There's not even a picture of this monstrosity up yet that I can include so that people can see what I'm talking about. But I can assure you that next time people go to the grocery store and are at the checkout line, they'll probably get a strange craving for lemonade, and then have to go home and rest with a cool facecloth over their eyes due to the splitting migraine this awful cover gave them.
What went wrong, Cosmo? Your December Fergie cover was beautiful. The colors were great and winter-y. The clothes were classy. The layout was aesthetically pleasing:
The clothes. Oh, don't even get me started on the clothes. You have Amanda Bynes on the cover of the January issue wearing an ugly pink tank top and...jeans. ...Where did this come from?! When has there ever been a Cosmo cover featuring jeans? I'm sure they're probably $200 dollar jeans, but we like the awesome designer dresses that we'll probably never be able to afford and like to gawk at anyway!
And, I'm ashamed to say that this is the most touched-up, fakest looking cover to date. We obviously understand that there's like 66 billion Photoshop tools to digitally touch up photos, and yeah, we know you use 'em all on your covers. But usually it at least somehow comes out looking like a real person. Her hair looks like it was painted on. Literally.
Plus, haven't we had enough Amanda Bynes covers already? She was January 2009, for pete's sake!
Are we just recycling celebrities now?
Don't take it personally, Amanda. I don't have anything against you. Well, I don't really think you're funny. And your head kind of looks like an alien's. But it's really not you. I just don't understand how someone can put together a pink and yellow cover for a winter issue if they've had any sort of layout or design training at all. Maybe I should do the next cover...
Edit: I realize there was also the unfortunate Ashley Tisdale denim cutoffs situation on the April '09 cover. I maintain that that, too, was stupid.
Update: HERE IT IS! I FOUND IT! Now you can all see it in all its ugly glory: