Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Surprisingly, the DMV is Not More Joyous at Christmas-time

That's right.

Being the brilliant genius that I am, I decided to pay a visit to the DMV two days before Christmas.

What's even worse, I forced my sweet mother who only wanted to do her pre-Christmas errands and continue to bring joy and cheer to everyone in our family to come with me. They should put people in jail for that. Dragging family members to the DMV, that is. Not spreading joy and cheer. Definitely carry on with that.

We got there and I rushed like a madperson to fill out my form before everyone else so I could be first in line. Luckily they were a good stratified sample of the populus that inhabits Manchester, NH, and it wasn't hard to finish before them. You can take that to mean whatever you'd like, but what I mean is there isn't much that my college education has done for me so far besides apparently make me irresistible to creepy older dudes, so I was pleased that my speed-reading skills seem to be paying off.

Anyways, I finished my form first and rushed to the front of the line. Ah ha! Felt pretty pleased with myself, too. Got up to the little check-in/eye test place. Was informed they can't mail my license to me at Williams, aka out of state. WHY DO YOU HATE BIRTHDAY CHEER, DMV?

See, here's the issue. NH makes your license expire ON your 21st birthday--so, for me, January 21 2010. They also insist on putting a large egregious red bar across the bottom of your license that screams that you will, indeed, be under 21 until that time. NH also likes when you get your license renewed before your birthday (you know, so you actually have a valid license when you're drivin around), and THEN if you get it renewed even a day before your birthday they like to keep the obnoxious red bar at the bottom. Which means that, in turn, the bars that you try to go to in order to obtain your hard-earned first legal drink like to look at that bar, laugh at you, and tell you to go home.

So, I decided it would still be better to have a license with a dirty, lying red bar across it than an expired license on my 21st birthday, hence my arrival at the DMV. But then Miss DMV informs me that they can't mail the license out of state, which means that rather than have the red bar across the bottom I'll probably have a piece of paper that looks I photocopied it from some person's real license. Which is great.

So my mum agrees to mail me the license when it comes in, and then we go wait for a long time, and then I get called over for Mrs Photo-Taker Lady. Mrs Photo-Taker Lady gets really confused for about 10 minutes, wondering why the screen told her that I had paid my $50 fee. Here's how that went.

Mrs Photo-Taker Lady: Did you already pay your fee over there?
Me: No, I have cash right here to pay.
MPTL: But the computer says you paid.
Me: But...I didn't.
MPTL: Okay, well let me just call them over there. (Proceeds to do so.)
MPTL: So you really didn't pay over there?
Me: No. I am going to pay right now. I have the money right here. I would not give you 50 dollars again had I already given it to Miss DMV.
Her: Okay...(disbelieving)

She counts the money and puts it in the drawer, and then makes some typey type types for another 5 minutes.

Then that Chipmunk song comes on. Note: When people are in the DMV two days before Christmas, the last thing they want to hear is the Chipmunk song.

Me: Um, I think so?
MPTL: There are girl chipmunks!
Me: Huh.

More typey type types.

MPTL: Okay, how are you paying today?
Me: I just gave you cash.
MPTL: You did?
Me: Yes. I just gave you cash. Two twenties and two fives.
MPTL: Really?
Me: YES.
MPTL: Okay...(disbelieving)

More typey types and then prints out my temporary license.

Me: You didn't take a new picture.
MPTL: I didn't?
Me: No. You did not. (Guys, I look about 13 in the old one It's absolutely horrifying.)
MPTL: Ooopsie, why did I even print that! HA-HA!

I have no idea, friends. I have no idea.

But I'm telling you...I can't make this stuff up.


  1. You know, the last few times I've been to the DMV, I've gotten some really cheerful and helpful people. I consider myself EXTREMELY lucky.

    I loved this post. Too, too funny and no, that stuff is way too odd and strange to be made up!

  2. Wow! That is insane! I am glad y'all made it!!! I hope you had a lovely Christmas! xo, KA

  3. I love this post! And, it's true. There are girl chipmunks!

  4. Well at least we know that MPTL was accurate about SOMETHING!